Artist, Writer, Woman, Mother, Healer, Teacher, Biohacker, Gardener, Friend, Entrepreneur
Forgiveness isn’t about other people. It’s all about you. Sometimes you need to be selfish to move on. My Facebook feed is blowing up with “unforgiveable acts” taking place since the election, and I even talked recently about how I don’t want a President that needs to be forgiven. The thing is forgiveness is different than condoning, forgetting, pardoning, or reconciling and some people miss this distinction. You see, it is easy to think when we forgive someone they need to give us a response, but the reality is that is not what forgiveness is about. Remember, it’s all about you.
Forgiveness is an intentional process, like cultivating community – the difference is you have to start a dialogue with yourself. The conversation is internal. In order to forgive you have to accept that you cannot change other people, only your reaction to them, their behaviors, the ways you allow them to hurt you. Yes, allow them. Others only have the power you give to them – no matter who they are, what office they hold, how much money they have or where they live.
There is always a choice of who you give or don’t give your power to, but you may not like the consequences. When you expect a reaction from someone you choose to forgive, you are simply giving them more power to hurt you. There’s no complexity here, it is just that simple. Don’t let anyone else hold your ability to forgive hostage.
You have to change your perception in order to forgive. You need to appreciate that forgiveness without expectation of restoration or justice, or even a response is the only type of forgiveness that truly has any meaning. The give and take is about whether you want to keep letting your heart and eyes bleed, or if you want to let the bad blood go and love yourself a little bit more each day. Only then can you move forward whether that is toward one of those other actions where you choose to condone, pardon, forget, reconcile or even choose to continue to agree to disagree, loudly and actively but respectfully so that true meeting of the minds can occur.
Forgiveness is a hard lesson to learn. It’s one of those rinse and repeat things where negative emotions. just like dirt, rise to the top, swirl around a bit and if you don’t fully let it go with the rinse, well…that dirt just settles down into the fabric of you again to cause a little bit of irritation. I’ve yet to meet anyone who likes beach sand in their bottoms nor anyone who benefits from holding on to a grudge. I have met people who like to bleed, and who like to bleed every last drop out of others and they are the toughest to forgive. Almost as hard to forgive as it is to forgive ourselves.
Forgiveness isn’t about other people. It’s about you. Today I am asking you to be gentle with yourself and choose to forgive and set the dirt free. I don’t wanna hear about the bad blood anymore.
Things I Love: Bastille: Bad Blood
PS: Aside from the yucky bleeding, veiny eyes which continue now and then, the uveitis is at bay and my vision is a wee bit better these days. Thank you copper cups.