Lauri Jean Crowe

Artist, Writer, Woman, Mother, Healer, Teacher, Biohacker, Gardener, Friend, Entrepreneur

Day 25: 30 Days of Selfies: Grown

Nov 25 30 Days of Selfies.jpgMy friend Laurie posted the question on Facebook today, “What did you want to be when you grew up?” Hmmm…wait, have I grown up yet? At 47 it seems some days that I ought to be further along than I am. I wanted to be a writer, an artist, a dancer, a vocalist in a band, a ballerina, and a psychologist. That’s just a handful of the career paths I entertained and pursued. Here’s how that turned out for me, but I’m not done yet.

I am a writer, and spent the bulk of my professional career as a small business owner in writing and editing. I published my first poem in an anthology at the age of 15. I’m rediscovering what it means to be a writer, with my current abilities through the Brave Writer’s Club. It hurts to not be doing it gainfully anymore, because it felt like breathing, but I believe on I am the path to finding my words again.

I am an artist and spent a decent chunk of my freelance time selling miniature art cards however, I first began my professional sales with larger canvasses and my art hangs in public and private collections around the world. It takes me a lot longer to make art that it use to but I am a maker at heart and it makes me happy. In January a couple friends and I are launching The A-Mused Tribe to build a bigger art tribe.

I dance in the kitchen, and my booted feet and legs along with my friend Tony’s are featured in some indie film that was shot in what is now Elektricity Nightclub but used to be Sanctum back then. Perhaps if we had paid more attention we’d have actually seen the film at some point, but the dancing and the drink were a bit more important back then than our footed fame.

I sing in the shower and I did sing in a variety of bands for a while in my twenties as a backup singer, and was once up on stage with Bon Jovi. I often enjoy bursting into glossolalia in large echoing parking structures in homage to the Flying Spaghetti Monster or other deity of the day which often embarrasses my children although they have to admit I’ve got good pipes when the words don’t have to make sense.

I took ballet as a child. I think I was around 6 or 7 from the photos. I wanted to wear a pink tutu and be girly and instead our class had to wear kimonos and do an Asian number. This may be why I love the cultures of Japan and China and follow a Zen path. I am not sure if it was the lack of pink tulle, stage fright or my seeing Jaws on the big screen at the drive thru and the nightmares I had about being forced to dance on the shark’s back that turned me off ballet. It simply could have been that I am 6’2” tall and well…think about it.

Psychology is a discipline I am drawn to. I enjoy learning how the mind works, how consciousness plays out, how the biology of the brain factors in. I am hyper analytical and I enjoy helping people. I figured psychology would be something I’d be good at. The thing is I recognized early on that just as if I were to go into genetics, with psychology I would be helping create monsters. I was too interested in the science and not invested enough in the humanity for it to work. I imagined myself counseling a woman who was in an abusive relationship and realized I might just tell her that sometimes Janie’s gotta (get) a gun. You can’t do that and be a successful psychologist for long.

As for being a grown up? I do grown up things but I don’t feel old. I like to see the world with the wonder of a child, but often view it through the filters of a judgmental adult. I always have felt older than my years but I can honestly say that I never really wanted to be anything but me however that unfolds, and without the shackles of age. I’m a grown woman, and I can do whatever I want. Just ask Beyoncé – she knows.

Immortality is something I wanted, but can you be immortality? Maybe as a writer and an artist my work can. Right now though, I think I am going to get dressed now that I’ve practiced some glossolalia in the shower, and go dance in my kitchen and not think about the psychology of why I typed this post in the nude. Before I go though, I put the question to you: What did you want to be when you grew up?

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This entry was posted on November 25, 2016 by in Uncategorized.

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