Lauri Jean Crowe

Artist, Writer, Woman, Mother, Healer, Teacher, Biohacker, Gardener, Friend, Entrepreneur

Day 30: 30 Days of Selfies: Cracks

nov 30 2016.jpgSome mornings we don’t want to get out of bed. We crack one eye to the morning still snuggled and warm and wonder what there is to jump out of bed for. Other mornings we jump up with a smile and keep bounding through the day full of joy. Most days I wake slowly, spending a solid hour stretching in bed before I get out. It relaxes me, flexes those muscles that have remained rigid in sleep and prepares me for the marathon day, because every day is a marathon these days even though the only competitor in the race is yours truly.

On this final day of my 30 Days of Selfies project I let myself linger a bit longer than normal, reflecting on what this experiment taught me and some of the interesting things people said while I was doing it:

I missed day 20. Despite my best efforts to show up every day and take a photo regardless of how I was feeling I still lost a day in this abyss. Looking back at my health journals it was a day of vomiting and bed and little else. I forgive myself the lapse. Some days you do what is necessary and that is enough.

I still don’t like looking at myself, but I’ve gotten more comfortable with the notion of being photographed. I’m not sure at what point it truly started bothering me because I once modeled nude and was a photography subject for several professionals. I’ve happily walked on nude beaches with ease. Maybe I just don’t like being caught in those unguarded moments, but I am learning to have more of those too.

People like my face. This is, I suppose, important. I have been complimented on my eyebrows, my hair, my eyes and my lips. I even got one message asking where I got my nose done because they wanted to go to my plastic surgeon. Sorry, but the nose is natural – I was punched in the nose in sixth grade by a girl name Alison and that gave my schnoz the slight jog but we didn’t keep in touch. I like my face better when it isn’t bloated.

My hair and my eyes are chameleons. They seem to pick up and reflect the world around me with a strange translucent light that leaves you wondering if I am wearing colored contacts or dying my hair daily. I stopped coloring my hair in 2013 and never wear contacts. This project has helped me realize that my body does its own thing, but my mind remains the same resilient mosaic that doesn’t mind a little wabi-sabi piecing together when it’s needed whether the light that shines from me is a dim bulb or too fucking bright to look at.

I’m glad the thirty days are over. I realized I lead a pretty boring life. It was humbling but I am glad I did it. A couple of my readers suggested I go on to do 365 days of selfies. Although I had to disappoint, this but was time limited in terms of a public excursion. If you want to see my face on a regular basis, come visit me in Michigan, follow me on my Facebook page or join The A-Mused Tribe. This body is just a vessel for my breath, my heart, my soul and my spirit and while the flesh blanket keeps me warm it is my creativity that sparks the fire so I will be getting back to my art in the coming month.

Some mornings we don’t want to get out of bed. We crack one eye to the morning still snuggled and warm and wonder what there is to jump out of bed for. This project has also taught me that I have a lot more to jump out of bed for that I realized when I started. Thank you to the many of you, my community and tribe, who looked, listened and chimed in with a kind word, a supportive nod, or shared your own triumphs and challenges with me. Thank you for helping me to continue to see the beauty in struggle. Thanks for helping me cement the cracks back together again.

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This entry was posted on November 30, 2016 by in Uncategorized.

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