Artist, Writer, Woman, Mother, Healer, Teacher, Biohacker, Gardener, Friend, Entrepreneur
Sometimes your paint bowl stares back at you. Sometimes it’s just a reflection of the light above your head in the water. It just depends how you look at it. Those who feel the divine spark of creativity see the eyeballs. Those who don’t have time to embrace their inner muse see that they need to clean the light shades which have collected some dust. You have to choose whether you want to look within, or live without. It can be a tight walk rope with sanity to be an artist. This month I’ve encouraged my Tribe to consider this quote and see where they fall on this spectrum:
You are either the Artist or the Muse.
Each comes with its own set of complications,
Each with its own unwavering power.
The reason I am talking to you about the eyeballs in my paint bowl is that they are a small bit of serendipity and for me, speak to question of Artist or Muse. I was trying to recreate the strange cobalt blue streaks I have been seeing lately, which I thought were a strange new automotive trend – until my family made me aware there were no blue streaks and well, car lights aren’t usually on employee badges, signs or household items. So, when those lil peepers showed up it was kind of funny in the sick and twisted way I have found the Universe likes to send me messages.
I didn’t achieve the same beautiful blue color, but I did temporarily let go of my worry for a while as I played with acrylics and waited for the call from my neurologist. It appears one of my medications may be at play – at least that’s what my retina specialist thinks. My vision is slightly lower again, but with the uveitis that symptom waxes and wanes. The blue streaks had her baffled as my detachments are holding stable. As I was describing my symptoms to her I found myself focusing on the brilliance of the cobalt blue color and saying “I would actually love to recreate it on a canvas”. So I tried. I failed, but it was relaxing and got me out of my head and worries for a while.
A friend suggested perhaps I was receiving messages from angels sent to help me heal. I did a bit of net surfing and according to Angel Intuitive, Doreen Virtue; I just may be making contact with the Archangel Michael who gives courage and protection. I could use that about now, but um, not so much as creepy golden eyeballs in my paint soup. Unfortunately, from a scientific perspective, everything else associated with the gorgeous cobalt blue lines, halos and twinkles is already going on in my eyes but those conditions remain mostly unchanged with a slight improvement in the blurred vision.
Last month I had 8 days where I couldn’t see to do much of anything, needed help to do much of daily living and seriously wondered if I would be able to cut it if I were to go fully blind. However, I was blessed with 13 days where I could see clearly the majority of the day with minor periods of blur and occlusion. Progress takes time. Perhaps this brilliant blue streaking is just part of the healing process. Time will tell. I’ve learned patience.
This illness, the patience I have learned, has put me in that space in between. This latest complication has me wondering about how art reflect life and life reflects art. I have the divine spark of creativity, but I also see the dust on the light shades. Rarely do I have the energy to pursue both. I’m realizing I don’t need to.
Some days I am the Artist. Some days I am the Muse. This is a tightrope act on the best of days, but ultimately whichever role I play I do it with gusto, with love, and with yes, unwavering power. It makes things a lot less complicated when you let the Universe flow through you rather than fighting against it. To do that, sometimes you have to let your perception change, open and become something different than you would normally choose.
Today, I encourage you to take a brave leap. Choose the other way of seeing. I am unable to turn off the blue light special going on in my perception right now, but I can choose to see it differently than a complication. Sometimes it’s fun to switch up your world view. As long as you walk on this earth plane you are able to revisit, change your role, get a stronger rope or jump off into the abyss with wild abandon and flashing blue lights. Science, divinity, angels, your job, your family and friends, your artful practices, none of this determines who you are – just the ways you present yourself to the world and are received. Life depends how you look at it.
I choose not to let my life collect dust. I choose to be the one tying the knots, and unraveling them over and over again.I choose to find the beauty in my life in those small moments of waiting and decision. I don’t know how long these lights will keep flashing, how long these eyes will keep seeing, but until those lights dim I will continue to let their power wash over me like a fresh coat of paint from a bowl of eye soup.
Things That Might Interest You:
My friend suggested I explore the Archangel Michael Oracle Cards from Doreen Virtue. The vivid blue color and the bottom of the image IS very similar to the brilliant blue lights that I am seeing. I think it is the highly reflective quality of the light I am perceiving that makes it difficult to recreate on a physical canvas. I am not a great painter of light.
However, it has been a long time since my personal spiritual believes encompassed Archangels. Maybe this is a nod to start exploring this realm of belief again – not because I think those flashes are Angel whispers, but because Angels are a recurring theme of late in my personal sphere.
For now, I will probably just continue to play with my paints, to the beautiful theme song from The OA (Watch it = powerful = I did not expect how much I loved this Netflix Original)